Falling Apart
by accioswiftgames
Summary: The Quarter Quell has just been announced and Annie isn't getting any better. This is written from Annie's point of view.
1. The Announcement

**Hi, this is my first fan fiction ever. I'm still trying this out, so please review :) Hope you enjoy**

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Running. I'm running as fast as I can towards the screaming voice. I think I only left him there for a few minutes, but he's screaming. This terrible scream that pierces through the silent air. I'm running, but instead of getting nearer, his voice seems to fade away. I try to sprint even faster, but eventually the voice fades into nothing. That's it. I've failed. I drop to my knees, burying my face in my hands. Everything around me is silent, except for my sobbing and a voice. Wait, a voice?

It becomes clearer. It's quiet and soothing. "Annie, it's okay. It's okay, Annie."

I desperately try to reach the voice. To grasp it, to hang on to it.

I snap back into reality.

I'm sitting on the kitchen table, and Finnick's right next to me, hugging me. His voice is so close and I realize he's still whispering into my left ear. When did he get here? What triggered my flashback in the first place? I snap my eyes up and try to catch a glimpse of him.

"Annie, you're back," he says, with obvious relief in his voice.

"Yeah," I mutter absently.

"Annie, listen. It's okay. You won't go back in there. I promise, you won't."

What is he saying? Go back where? I see flashes of pictures. Puzzle pieces. But it's not clear.

"Huh?"

"The Quarter Quell, Annie. Do you remember?" Finnick says softly, his eyes searching my face.

I do remember. The puzzle pieces start to form a picture.

A little boy in white. Click. A puzzle piece. President Snow. Click. Another one. A yellowed envelope with the number 75 on it. Click. It's forming a picture. "The male and female tributes will be reaped from the existing pool of tributes." Click. I see the picture.

I realize what's happening. My name's going to be in that reaping bowl again. I might be going back into the arena.

Everything becomes cloudy as I get dragged away.

"Annie. Annie, are you listening?"

Finnick's voice pulls me right before I get sucked into that deep hole. The hole full of memories. Painful memories.

I nod slowly.

"Okay. Listen, if you do get reaped, Mags will volunteer."

I nod again. Wait, what? Mags? Poor, old Mags, who can't even walk properly without her cane? Who tried every way possible to bring Finnick back home when he was in the arena?

"No. She can't go."

"Annie, be reasonable."

"I am being reasonable. Mags is too old. It's not _reasonable_ to send her in," I shoot back.

"Annie, you know you can't. And I can't let you go," he says in a calm voice. I look at him. Those sparkling blue eyes show concern. But there's also something else... Pain. He doesn't want Mags to go either.

A surge of anger runs through me. No one should go back in. Not me, not Mags, not Finnick. My hands start to shake and my head starts to spin. I'm losing control again. I grit my teeth, trying to calm myself down.

"You know what, Annie? Let's not think about it now. Why don't we take a walk on the beach?"

It's already dark, but night strolls are also nice. I get up and he takes my hand.

Since Victor's Village is by the beach, we're already there within a minute. Our hands are swinging back and forth, following the rhythm of the waves crashing down on the beach. The night air is cool and smells of salt. The soft sand seeps between my toes. The sky is dotted with little stars. I rest my head on Finnick's shoulder and close my eyes. I love it when he's back home.

We walk nearer to the water, until we're ankle-deep in the cool salty water.

Finnick looks at my face and smiles. His face is illuminated by the moonlight, making the smile mysterious but still charming. Suddenly, he grabs me by the waist, lifts me off my feet, and spins me around and around.

I laugh and even scream a little and try to hit him playfully. When he puts me back to the ground, I kick water towards him and splash him. We run around in the ankle-deep water, trying to splash each other. He sweeps me off my feet and carries me back to my house.

At the door, he says goodnight and kisses me on the forehead. I'm light-headed and full of delight. But as I climb the stairs the feeling starts to wear off. I run to my room and shut the door behind, afraid the flashbacks and nightmares might hit me at any moment. I jump into bed and pull the covers tight over my head, trying to keep the sadness and confusion out while I drift off to sleep. But it manages to find a crack at some point in the night and starts flooding me with nightmares.


	2. Reaping Day

**Thank you so much for reading the first chapter! This chapter is a bit longer than the first one. I hope you enjoy :)**

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Light bursts through the window and I'm forced to wake up. I try pulling the covers over my head again to go back to sleep, but I know I can't. It's reaping day.

After my victory, the reaping days didn't affect me that much, since I became immune from ever getting reaped again.

That is, until today.

I stretch a bit and get up. I put on a green dress that almost touches my knees. It's made of a soft, silky material. I brush my hair out and put on my matching shoes. Then I go downstairs to the kitchen.

The windows are all open to let the cool sea breeze and warm sunshine come in. My parents are sitting there with untouched breakfasts in front of them. They look at me as I enter and immediately there's a flicker of sadness on my mother's face. My father tries to look like he's fine, but I know he's only doing that to keep me strong. I sit down silently and starting chewing the food slowly. After a few bites, I give it up. Might as well eat on the train later on.

I get up and walk over to my mother, who's been staring at me ever since I first got here. I hug her tightly and bury my face in her hair. She grips me tighter until I finally let go. Then I walk over to my father, who's been sitting in a very tense manner, and wrap my arms around his neck. I sit on his lap, the way I used to so long ago when I was little. His eyes become glassy and I know it's all he can do to not cry, so I whisper to him, "It's going to be alright. I promise." I let go and start my journey to the Justice Building.

I stand under the summer heat with Mags in a roped off area in the front. Finnick's there as well with 4 other tributes. I never really bothered to know them, and right now all their names are jumbled up in my head. One of them should be Harold Sear, or was it Cory Sear? Or maybe it was Harold Tress. Ugh. See what I mean?

And then Lyka is there onstage, camera-ready as usual. She's in a lime green outfit with a matching wig. Then all too soon she's saying the usual line that she says each year.

"Get ready, ladies." There's only 2 slips inside, but her hand scrapes around the bowl, as if it's filled to the brim. Finally, she chooses one and reads it out.

"Annie Cresta."

I take a deep breath and try to calm down. I make my way to the stage. Right, left, right, left. I can't lose control.

"Any volunteers?" she asks.

Mags' hand slowly and shakily rises above her head. I close my eyes in an attempt to calm myself again. I can't believe she's actually volunteering. I thought she wasn't going to do it. When I open my eyes, Mags is being escorted towards the stage. I look at her face. She's definitely scared.

"Mags," I whisper to myself.

I'm going to lose it soon. I try to hold on to reality, but I fail.

"Mags!" This time is scream. "Mags! You can't go. No, please don't Mags!"

She's on the stage now. She looks me in the eyes and nods, as if telling me that she's going to be okay. But I know better.

I grab her wrinkled hands and tell her, "Mags, just get out of here. I'm fine with going. Please."

Her lips curve up just the slightest bit in a sad smile. Suddenly Peacekeepers are holding me by the arms, forcing me to go back down.

"NO!" I scream and thrash around trying to get back to Mags. "NO! LET. ME. GO! MAGS DON'T GO BACK IN THERE!"

All my anger gets directed to the Capitol.

"I HATE THIS. THIS WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! NO! JUST LET ME GO!"

They're carrying me now. I try to put my feet back on the ground but their grips are iron-tight. I kick in every direction, trying to free myself. I look to Finnick for help, but he's just staring at me. I'm really on the brink of crying now. Finnick's not doing anything at all to even calm me down. This just makes me angrier. I kick harder and my arms are also flailing around now. I'm in the roped area now, but they're still not letting me go. Then I feel a needle in my arm and everything becomes blurry.

I open my eyes. The pillows are on the floor. The blanket and bed cover are twisted around me. There's a searing pain in my throat. My head hurts with the smallest movement. My sleep was restless. I look around. I'm in an all-too-familiar room. The room in the train. But... I thought I'm not going back. Then why am I here? I'm searching for reasons when I realize that I'm going to be a mentor. I thought I was never going to be a mentor. I'm too crazy to be one. I'll probably get the tributes killed. Something in my mind clicks. That's exactly what the Capitol is trying to do. But why now? Why not last year or the year before? Then it hits me. What if... Finnick's a tribute?

I quickly get up even though my vision is still blurry and my head is throbbing. I stagger to the door and open it. I go to the dining room.

Oh no.

Finnick's there, watching television. So he did get reaped. That's why they want me to mentor. To make sure he's dead. I take another look at him and realize he's staring at the television so intensely. I walk closer to see what it is. He's watching the reapings. I walk over and sit down next to him. I put a hand on his hunched back.

He jumps a bit. "Oh hey Annie," he says while wrapping his arm around me, "You're awake."

"Yeah, I guess I am." My voice is raspy. I guess I was screaming when I slept. "What happened?"

"Well, you got a bit angry when Mags volunteered."

"Oh right," I say. "So, are you going to tell me how to be a mentor?"

He hesitates. "Ummm... I'm actually gonna try to, well… ask one of the other mentors to... help you," he says, choosing his words carefully.

"Oh ok." I guess he just doesn't want to offend me. I turn my attention back to the television. They're reaping District 3 now, which means I haven't been out for that long. Beetee and Wiress get reaped. Finnick lets out a sigh. I realize it's going be hard for most of the tributes. They've known each other for a long time now. Then it's District 4's turn. I see Lyka reading out my name. I look angry, sad and scared. But mostly angry. Then Mags volunteers. She goes on the stage and I'm screaming. The Peacekeepers carry me off and someone sticks a syringe into my arm. I really do look crazy. I _am_ crazy. So how am I supposed to protect Finnick if my mind's not even right?


	3. This Year's Tributes

**Hi there! So thanks again for reading. This chapter has much more Fannie in it. I'm sorry if you think it's a rushed or sloppy. So please don't forget to help me by reviewing and I hope you like this chapter :)**

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I tap my foot impatiently as I wait for the chariot to enter. It rolls in slowly. It's still moving, but Finnick's already jumping down and hugging me tightly. A surge of warmth goes through my body and the whole world around me fades away. I stay there, my head on his chest until Mags hobbles to us. I give her a hug as well. Then I look at Finnick closely. What is he wearing? His body is covered with a golden net, making him look very provocative. Finnick sees me eyeing him.

"What do you think?" he says in a seductive voice. I can't help laughing even though I'm trying to look angry. Then Mags says something unintelligible and points behind me. I whisk around, thinking someone's there to take me or Mags or Finnick away. But all I see are tributes.

"Yeah. Their costumes were the best out there."

I still don't know what he's talking about until I see them. Glowing exactly like a burning fire. They're laughing, but the make-up is so thick it makes them look angry and even intimidating. They'll definitely get a lot of sponsors. I turn to Finnick.

"Well, I know there must be a lot of women out there ready to sponsor you," I say a bit coldly. He looks at me like he's in pain. He shakes his head slightly and kisses me on the nose.

"Let's go meet up with some other tributes."

We walk over to the nearest chariot. There's a woman with dark brown hair, wearing a tree costume. She looks angry, disgusted even. But the moment she sees Finnick her frown twists into a grin.

I'm wondering who she is, when Finnick calls out, "Johanna!"

They embrace and start laughing. Then he turns to me.

"Johanna, this is Annie Cresta, the victor of the 67th Hunger Games and one of our mentors this year."

Johanna looks me up and down and gives a wry smile. "Oh, nice to meet you, Annie."

I can't help feeling like she's going to get an axe out of nowhere and just kill us. She seems so vicious. Then I remember when she won her Games. Yup, she's definitely vicious. I'm still wondering why Finnick is so friendly with her when someone taps me on the shoulder. It's the other mentor, Harold Sear. I was right about his name after all. He has dirty brown hair, which is sticking out in every direction. There are bags under his eyes and wrinkles etched on his face. He frowns at me. I haven't heard him say a single word since we met on the train. This makes me even more worried. How is Finnick supposed to get sponsors if I'm out of my wits and he's as talkative as a dead fish? I sigh and turn my attention back to Finnick, who's already making his way to another chariot. I catch up to him and he introduces me to an old man and woman. They both seem very smart, even though the woman is a bit odd.

"Hi, pleasure to meet you, Annie. My name is Beetee and her name is Wiress. We are the District 3 tributes."

I nod and give a small smile. They also seem very nice and friendly, unlike Johanna.

"Hi, you're very…" Wiress starts, then her eyes wander somewhere else.

"Very pretty," Beetee finishes.

"Thank you," I smile again. That must be what I'm like. Dropping out of sentences when a flashback occurs. Everyone must think I'm some sort of crazy girl. Well to be honest, I am.

Finnick's about to move on to another chariot, but I say, "I'm tired. Can we go back up? Mags also seems lost."

He looks at Mags, who's sitting on the floor with her legs crossed. her eyes are darting around the room. He sighs. "Okay, sure."

We go get Mags and Harold and head towards the elevators.

We're zooming up fast but within a few seconds we're already on our floor. I guess that's the disadvantage of being from District 4. Our floor is one of the lowest floors in the Training Center. I've always enjoyed those elevator rides.

We eat our dinner in silence. Our stylists keep trying to start a conversation, but no one's in the mood. The food's actually quite good. Roasted turkey with a creamy sauce and some greens as well. For dessert, there's a delicious cake with blue icing. I finally get up to leave and I see Finnick getting up as well.

Just as I'm about to enter my room, Finnick stops me.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I hesitate a bit. But I never keep my thoughts from him. "It's just that, I'm worried about you. Harold and I are your mentors. The moment I see you injured, I'll go nuts. Harold will just… do nothing. I'm scared for you, Finnick. I don't want to go back to District 4 without you. I don't think I can-" Finnick stops my words when he puts his lips on mine. I feel a surge of warmth going through me again. I close my eyes and try to imagine what it would be like if none of this ever happened. If none of us ever got reaped. We would probably be swimming and playing in the beach all day. I finally pull back and sigh.

"It'll be fine, Annie. I'll make sure one of the mentors will help you out."

I want to tell him that even if someone decides to help me, they'll surely back out when it's down to a few people. But he turns away.

Suddenly I remember what it was like to watch Finnick in the arena from back home. The feeling of helplessness. How I couldn't do anything to help him even though I desperately wanted to. I watched him starve, dehydrate and get beaten up.

I'm sitting with my knees close to my chest, watching the TV screen closely in our combined kitchen and dining room. Finnick's running fast through a clutter of trees, looking back occasionally. Suddenly someone appears out of thin air and Finnick falls to the ground. The other tribute is beating him up. I close my eyes and put my hands to my ears to block it all out and scream.

When I open my eyes, Finnick's hugging me. I'm sitting on the floor, still outside my door. He's rocking me gently. I take my hands off my ears slowly. He notices the change of movement and looks at me tentatively.

"What happened just now?"

"I saw… I remember…" I just can't say it out loud. I burst into silent tears and he's stroking my hair gently.

"It's okay, I'm right here. Whatever you thought about is dead and gone and past, so it's all going to be-"

"No, Finnick." I look right into his eyes. "No, I thought about how I was completely useless while you were in the arena last time. It's probably going to be the same again, only this time, I'll be responsible!" My voice rises into a shout. Finnick's eyes are getting shinier and his face has sorrow written all over. I put my head on Finnick's chest as he cradles me like a baby. I let all my anger and worry out. Finnick starts stroking my hair again. I want to stay in his arms forever, but I know it isn't possible when he finally gets up and tells me to go to sleep. I reluctantly go in.

I throw myself on the bed without even changing because everything's just been so crazy and tiring. I soon fall into another world of nightmares.


	4. The Nightmares

**Hello there! I'm glad you're still taking interest in this fanfic of mine. Please don't forget to review to help me write better... So thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy :)**

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When I wake up, I immediately know it's late. The slits of light coming through the window show that it's already afternoon. I take a deep breath and stretch. My body aches so I just groan and turn over. Why does something feel... wrong? I ponder over what happened last night. I remember having a flashback. Finnick in a golden net and-

Wait. If the parade was yesterday, that means... Today is training day. I think I should've been talking about strategies, but maybe Finnick's got it all figured out. I finally get up and fish out a turquoise shirt from one of the drawers. I grab a pair of pants and start walking to the door as I'm buttoning it up.

Seeing the corridor makes me a bit dizzy. I have to lean on the doorway to gain my senses first. I don't know why, it's just that the corridor is overflowing with so many memories. I remember laughing along with Ren after our parade, talking about the Games with him, and then walking again, this time alone, as I'm looking for him. Then... then...

We're running from them, the bloodthirsty Careers chasing after us with axes and swords and maces. I hear a cry of pain. I whip around, looking for Ren. He's on the ground, holding his bloody calf, which has an arrow through it. I scream and drop down next to him.

"GO! Don't let them catch you!"

But I can't let him go. I just can't. I look up in horror at the advancing Careers. They're laughing and pointing at us. They're going to kill me for sure.

I close my eyes and scream for Finnick.

I feel arms wrapping around me, but I don't dare open my eyes. Then I'm settled down in something soft. Maybe it's moss, but it feels like fabric. How can that happen? I finally open my eyes. It takes some time for my eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight. But then I realize I'm not in the arena. It's a room and I'm lying down on a couch, not moss. At the edge of the couch there's Harold, looking at me with concern. You can see the wrinkles etched clearly on his face. I'm still confused, but then I realize where I am. I'm in the Training Center. Finnick's the tribute, not me.

I take a deep breath and try to sit up. But my body aches even more than when I first woke up and I'm barely able to move a limb. I look at my knees, which are grazed and a bit blue. My arms are also a mixed colour of bruises. I must've thrashed around during my flashbacks.

I look up again at Harold and realize he has a black eye. I gasp and immediately start apologizing. He must've carried me here. I ask an Avox for some ice to put on his eye. The Avox, a brunette girl in her 20s, nods and walks away. But I catch a glimpse of her face. Her eyes were full of sorrow and pity. No doubt she thinks it's terrible for a poor, crazy girl to be a mentor. Oh well. It's true.

I lean back again on the couch.

"Does that always happen?"

I jump at the unfamiliar voice, causing myself to wince. It was Harold's voice. I've never heard him talk, so it takes some time for me to adjust.

"Only when something triggers it," I reply after a long pause.

"What triggered it just now?"

"The corridor. It reminded me of Ren," I choke out. I break down for no reason. He pats my back tentatively, as if afraid I might pounce on him. I bury my face in my hands and try not to think of Ren. Of how he helped me so much during training. Don't get me wrong, there was nothing going on between us. But he was a very nice friend. He was always optimistic and he always tried to protect me like a big brother. He even tried to protect me when he was being tortured...

I put my hands over my ears to try to get a grip. I stay there for I don't know how long, but after a while I feel like I'm floating. Then there's a burst of light and I'm there on the beach. I'm sitting down on the soft sand. I look around for Finnick and I yell out his name. Then suddenly I'm in a field of green grass. A park. Wait, no. It's a graveyard. I walk around, wondering why and how I got here. Then I see a blue marble stone. I take a step closer to it. There's a carving of a trident on it.

"In loving memory of Finnick Odair. Tribute, Son, Friend."

The horror of it all is drowning me until I'm gasping for air. I flail my arms around trying to navigate myself in the angry sea, which is foaming up all around me like clouds. I feel myself lifted off and I'm floating again in infinite darkness. But there's no air. I'm choking and I'm thinking it's better to die now anyways, since Finnick is gone.

I sit up straight and look around. I'm sitting on my bed. How did I get here? I guess I had a nightmare, but what about the part with Harold? Was that a dream too? I look down and find myself in a turquoise shirt. The same one I used this morning. So maybe I did talk to Harold. Then I fell asleep crying, and then I had that nightmare with Finnick dying.

Wait. Finnick! Is he back yet?

I run out the door, ignoring my complaining limbs and head straight to the dining room. I stop short. Finnick's there, but there are other people too. I try to make sense of it all, but then I see they've noticed me standing there in the doorway. Finnick opens his mouth to stay something, but I don't hear it because something else happens.

One of them lunges toward me.


	5. What's Real?

**Hey there! Sorry this one took a while. I've been really really busy lately. Exams are also coming up so Chapter 6 might not come that soon :/ Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

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I wake up and immediately try to kick free. I feel someone's arms wrapping around me. I fight and try to break free from those strong arms.

"Annie! Annie, calm down."

I stop short at the voice. It's strong and fierce yet calming. It's Finnick's voice. My eyes open and his face is there, staring at me with concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I reply hoarsely.

"What happened this time?"

He hesitates. "Uhh... Well, you see... It's just that... Umm..."

If Finnick's not telling me, I guess I'll have to try to remember. Okay. So there was Harold, nightmares, looking for Finnick, then... then...

I jump to my feet fast and immediately look around. I remember what happened. Where were those people now? I turn back to Finnick, who's looking at me with sad, tired eyes.

"Who jumped at me?"

He sighs. "Haymitch."

A warning bell goes off in my head and I'm wondering who he is. I think he's a mentor. That's it. He's the District 12 mentor. The drunk one who's al-

Wait. 12? Drunk?

"Why is he here? And who were the other 2 people?"

"Annie, I've told you too much already."

I feel myself burning up in anger.

"Finnick Odair! Tell me who they are!"

He laughs at my outburst. But his sad eyes show something else now. Pity. I guess a deranged girl who he can lift with one hand doesn't really look menacing.

"I don't have any choice, do I?"

I shake my head roughly and glare at him. He chuckles and shakes his head.

"Alright, ma'am. They were..." He hesitates a bit. "Plutarch Heavensbee and Beetee. You remember Beetee?"

I nod absentmindedly. I remember Beetee. But the other name... It gives me a bad feeling.

"Who's Plutarch?"

He looks down.

"Finnick, who is he?"

He finally whispers something so softly I barely hear the words.

"Annie, he's- he's the Head Gamemaker."

My head spins as I try to make sense of it all. Head Gamemaker? That can't be good. Have I done something bad already? Is he going to capture Finnick? What's going to happen?

I feel my head hit something hard but soft. It must be the carpet. My head's throbbing again. But my mind is so occupied I don't even bother to scream or cry out in pain.

I open my eyes and I'm back in my room. I stare at the ceiling for a few moments, but then I hear someone's breathing. I slowly sit up and see Finnick lying down on the floor, curled up in a ball. I rush to his side.

"Finnick. Finnick, are you alright?" I whisper urgently to him.

For a moment nothing happens, and a kind of fear grips me and I'm clutching my chest because I can't breathe. What if someone drugged him? What if Plutarch poisoned him? A million things rush through my mind. I start to panic not only because Finnick's not waking up, but also because of that pain and fear that's preventing me from breathing. I'm about to let out a scream when Finnick moves. I move in closer.

"Finnick, are you alright?" This time my voice is quite loud.

His eyes flutter open and he jumps a bit when he sees the proximity of my face to his. I sigh in relief and rest my head on his chest.

"What's wrong? Did I fall asleep?"

I almost laugh. He was just asleep. I let out another sigh and close my eyes.

"Why are you here?" I say, in a surprisingly calm voice.

"I was watching over you."

"Oh, then where's Haymitch and Beetee and…" I take a gulp and hold back anger and tears. "…Plutarch?"

His breathing quickens a bit. "Haymitch is probably getting drunk somewhere, Beetee might be inventing something new and Plutarch… How on earth am I supposed to know where he is?" He chuckles.

"I thought you'd know, since you guys hang out now."  
"Huh? What?"  
"The four of you were talking in the dining room. Haymitch jumped at me. Remember?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Okay. That's weird. Now I'm confused. I lift my head up so I can look at Finnick straight in the eyes.

"Really? Oh, it must've been a dream."

Well, what else could it have been? I'm so confused with differentiating what's real and not now. Everything could be a dream. Or everything could be real. Today has just been so exhausting because I keep blacking out and I don't know which part of the day was real or not and-

I get up and stomp back to the bed in frustration. I throw myself at the bed and bury my face in the soft material. Why is everything so hard? Why can't I just be like any other normal person? I start to cry in frustration.

"Annie?" I feel his hand rubbing my back, trying to sooth me. But this just adds to my anger. Everyone feels sorry for me because I'm the poor, mad girl from District 4. So I just sob even harder and grip the bed sheets in my fists.

"Annie, do you want to have dinner? It's quite late now."

After some silent moments where only my sobs could be heard, Finnick talks to me again.

"Annie, just tell me what's wrong. I'll help you." He pries my finger loose and pulls my limp body away from the bed. He cradles my in his arms, rocking me gently.

"I just- I just can't do this anymore," I say in between sobs, "I don't know what's real and what's not. I can't, Finnick."

He puts his cheek against the top of my head and starts stroking it. He found out I liked this during our walks at the beach. It would always calm me down.

"Shh… It's okay. You can just ask me whenever you're confused and I'll tell you whether it's real or not."

I consider this idea.

"Really?"  
He smiles at me. "Of course, Annie."


	6. No One To Trust

**It has been a good 2 or 3 months since Chapter 5, and I beg for your forgiveness for that long absence. I actually wrote this about a month ago, but I've been really busy. Anyways, here is Chapter 6. Don't forget to review :) Enjoy!**

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My stomach is growling, so I gobble up as much food as possible. I don't think I ate at all yesterday. It was much too confusing. I honestly don't know which part of yesterday was real and which part wasn't. Well, at least last night's sleep was dreamless.

I eat up the boiled egg and toast in front of me. As I chew, I notice Harold staring at me from across the table. I still remember when he helped me yesterday. Or was that a dream? I don't know.

Trying to remember yesterday makes my head throb so I try to clear my mind. I grip Finnick's arm and shut my eyes as tight as possible. This usually helps. My mind spins as a million thoughts rush in like speeding trains. I push it all out with all my will. I can tell that all this effort shows on my face.

When I open my eyes, everyone at the table is looking at me with concern.

I stay in the room for the rest of the day, trying to sleep, but of course I can't. While I wait for Finnick to come back from training, I start braiding my hair in the intricate braids that my mother taught me. By the time I finish, there's a knock on my door.

"Dinner's ready!"

I walk into the dining room and Finnick hugs me and lightly kisses my forehead.

I ask him, "How was it?"

He looks up from the piece of meat he was cutting. "It went great. I think I might want to form an alliance with Katniss, though."

I can't help feeling a bit jealous. "Really? Why?"  
He looks at me with such enthusiasm. "I saw her shoot with a bow and arrow. For real. She was really, really, _really_ good."

Now it's a different kind of jealous. I want to see her shoot, too. But I don't want Finnick to know this childish wish of mine so I just say a little "Oh."

I go back to my room and sit on the bed. I think of whatever's coming tomorrow. Finnick has training, and what about me? What'll I do tomorrow? Maybe I can just braid some pieces of strings. If Finnick can tie complicated knots using ropes, I can make complicated braids using strings, too. Just as I think of this, Finnick comes in.

"Hey Annie, do you usually wake up early?"

This confuses me. Something's just not right. It's either Finnick's ridiculously jolly, jumpy mood or just this weird, random question. Probably both. So I just lie. "I don't think so. I'm planning on staying inside my room until quite late in the afternoon."

His face brightens up just the smallest bit before going back to normal.

"Oh, okay then." He walks to me and lightly kisses my forehead. He looks at me with those ocean blue eyes and for a moment, I feel like I'm back home. I can actually smell the salty air and hear the rush of the sea. I feel the wind blowing in my hair and in that moment, I was really lost in his eyes.

That night, I dream of being back home. Sitting on the soft sand while the waves lap over our feet and Finnick ties knots. Walking down with the water up to our ankles. Hearing the sound of seashells clinking together from the wind chime at home.

I can't help but smile a little when I wake up.

As I munch my breakfast, Finnick is talking about strategies with Harold, and Harold's actually giving advice. It's the last training day. The day everyone has to show their skills in front of the Gamemakers. Finnick has no idea what to do, since they already know he's handy with the trident.

Harold finally asks, "What else are you good at?"

Finnick takes a moment to answer. "Well, I guess I can use a sword as well. Or I can just tie some knots."

Harold laughs a loud booming laugh and I can't help but wonder if it was really a laugh. It sounded a bit fake, actually. No. Harold is not a bad guy. You need to get this out of your mind, Annie. No. You have to learn to trust more people. I find myself staring at Harold so intensely he actually notices.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"N-nothing," I stammer.

I get up from the table and start walking to my room. But I still can't shake off the feeling that's he's up to no good.

When Finnick comes back from his session with the Gamemakers, I drag him with me.

"Finnick, I-"

"I know you're worried. But it's all going to be fine, Annie."

I look into his startling blue eyes and firmly say, "Finnick, I have a bad feeling about Harold."

He looks back at me with such intensity I end up looking away.

"Why would you say that?"

I snap back at him. "I don't know! I just have a weird feeling!"

His eyes show sadness mixed with pity. There's a little bit of something else too that I can't quite put my finger on. He hesitates. "Annie-"

I cut him before he can make up some excuse as to why I'm acting this way, which is probably that I'm crazy. Crazy, crazy Annie.

"I get it. I'm the poor, mad girl from District 4, so anything I say will probably just be nonsense!"

I scream out the last few words.

I slam the door behind me and lock it. I slide down and hug my knees. Even Finnick thinks I'm a lunatic. Well, I am, but that doesn't mean my opinions don't matter. I just want him to be safe. I don't want anyone -like Harold- to hurt him. I cry with my head on my knees.

When I wake up, I'm starving. I get up and walk to the window. It's already morning. I missed dinner. Again. I walk out, not really caring the state in which I'm in. No one would judge me if I go out looking like a lunatic, -just one benefit of being crazy- since I am one.

As I walk in, I see the people at the table and my head automatically starts to spin. I see them again. Plutarch, Haymitch and Finnick. I stop short and gasp. Finnick puts his arm across Haymitch's chest just as he kicks his chair back. Plutarch puts on a thousand-watt smile for some reason. I collapse to the ground. Odd thing is, I don't black out. I just sit there staring at the scene. Haymitch is finally calming down, and to my horror, Plutarch is making his way towards me.

I squeeze my eyes shut. This can't be real. It's not real. It's not real, it's not real, it's not real, it's not real. Finnick said it was a dream before; it has to be a dream now. I pinch my arm to wake up. When I open my eyes, Plutarch is still there. Finnick is nearby, with much regret carved on his face.

It feels as if someone just dropped a ton of weight on my chest. I'm overflowing with emotions. All of my words are stuck at my throat. I can't seem to get them out of my mouth. I can't even think properly right now. I can't get up. I can't move. I feel like one of those Capitol machines that have stopped working. Freezing there, unable to do anything.

Finally I manage to gather up strength and words, and my voice comes back.

"YOU LIED! YOU LIED, FINNICK! WHA-"

He takes me in his arms but I struggle.

"No! Why would you do that? Just-" I break down crying and he hugs me tighter. I weakly punch him over and over again.

"I'm sorry, Annie. I'm sorry."


	7. Apologies and Regret

**So... I actually finished this chapter early because apparently people want it to come faster :P I'll try to update much more often from now on, but no promises. Don't forget to review :) Enjoy!**

* * *

"Annie."

I hear the voice. Small and distant.

"Annie."

I hear it again. But all I see is blackness.

"Annie? Are you there?"

The voice becomes clearer. I open my eyes to see Finnick's blurred face.

At first I feel relief, because I don't know where I am or what's happening, but the sight of him makes me feel safe.

Then I remember.

"No. Just go away," I wave him off.

"Annie, I'm so, _so_ sorry. I didn't have a choice. I told you, but then I decided it was best for you not to know. I lied because I love you, Annie."

His guilty, hopeful, sorry blue eyes freeze me where I am. For a moment I want to just forgive him. To just say, "It's okay" and then hug him. But I can't. This is just too much for me.

"No, Finnick. Just get out. I don't want to-"

"Wait! You should know why they're here. Don't you wa-"

"NO FINNICK! Don't you get it? I don't want to have anything to do with them!" He catches my hand and holds it. I pull my hand back and sigh. Now he's looking at me. His face is etched with frustration, regret, and sorrow. His face is etched with frustrationI take a step back and turn so he doesn't see my face. A teardrop rolls down my face.

"Just go."

I hear the door click. I immediately start crying and I sink to the ground. Why did this have to happen? I lay there on the floor, crying and wishing I'm back home instead. Wishing I'm back to the time before I got reaped. Before Finnick got reaped. Before any of this nonsense happened. But of course, it's nothing like that.

Instead, I lay there as the soft, velvety carpet swallows me. Now I'm falling, and all around me there's nothing but darkness. Now I don't know whether I'm still falling or not. I've lost all sense of direction. Then I hear it. The waves crashing down on the sand. Finnick laughing and calling my name. I need to get there. But how?

I look around. And then below me, I see a tiny dot of blue. I dive towards it. It gets bigger and bigger and I'm finally through. I'm lying down on the sand. I see Finnick in the distance.

"Finnick!" I run to him.

I call him again. "Finnick!"

But he's not turning around. He's too busy laughing with someone. Who can it be? As I get nearer, I realize it's a girl back from District 4. It's Cassie. I look at both of them, expecting one of them to at least acknowledge my presence. But they're still talking and Finnick suddenly leans down and kisses her forehead. I stare in horror as he plops down next to her and starts stroking her hair. What is this?

I scream at him.

"FINNICK! What- why would you do this to me?"

But he just looks through me. I don't even exist in his eyes.

I run with tears streaming down my face. I run and run, not caring where I go.

Then I hit into something. It's a big block of stone in the middle of a park.

I look at it and I fall back in horror.

"Rest In Peace

Annie Cresta

Daughter and beloved friend"

I lie down on my side and close my ears and my eyes. I whisper to myself.

"No. No. No. No." Over and over again.

Someone's patting me now. I slowly open my eyes to find Finnick back in my room. It was just a dream. I cry out in relief and hug him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Annie. I'm sorry for lying." He pulls back so he can look into my eyes. "Will you forgive me?"

I fall back into his arms and say, "Of course, Finnick. But please, please, _please_ don't lie to me again. You don't know how much it hurts me."

"I'm sorry."

After some silence we break away and sit on the carpeted floor.

"So... What was happening? You were kicking and mumbling and crying. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Okay." I tell him the whole story, but when I get to the part where he's with Cassie, I stop.

"What?" he asks.

"Well... You were too busy talking to... Cassie. Then you kissed her forehead and you did all the things you always did with me and... and..." Tears well up in my eyes so I look away. I think he senses that I'm upset because he takes both of my hands in his and says, "Annie, you know I would never, ever, _ever_ do that, right? Why would you even think about it?"

I look at him because I sense something in voice. I look deep into his eyes and realize that I've hurt him. I've hurt him by thinking that he would ever do such a thing. I try to fix it by quickly continuing the story.

"Finnick, after that happened, I ran and ran and ran as far as possible. But I hit into something. It was a tombstone. _My_ tombstone."

I wait for him to understand all this. His face takes on a serious expression and I can tell he's terrified by this idea.

"Annie. You have to know one thing. I will _not_ let you die. Okay? Annie, I swear on my life that you will get through this."

I break down in tears. Not because I'm afraid of dying, but because I'm afraid of Finnick dying. Of a world where he doesn't exist. Where I won't hear his voice ever again. Where he won't spend countless hours trying to get me out of my flashbacks.

He hugs me tight. "Annie, it's okay. I told you, I won't let you die."

"It's not that, Finnick. I'm fine with the idea of dying. But I don't want _you_ to die. I don't want you to go and never come back.

He softly says, "It's okay, Annie. I'm here. I'll always be here."

I close my eyes and say two barely audible words. But I'm sure he hears it.

"I know."


	8. A Mockingjay

**Hello there. First, I must beg for forgiveness for not writing for such a long time. Holiday break. But there's good news. To compensate for my long, irrational absence, I have actually written chapters 8, 9 and 10 in the plane, as my mom accidentally packed my book. So I'm going to immediately post them after this.**

**Anyways, enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

The rest of the day passes quickly with Finnick training for the interview. I ask him about it when he comes to my room.

"What are you going to do for your interview?"

A playful, mischievous look takes over his face. I love this look. His eyes glint with excitement and there's a little something more, something completely different yet completely him. His smile seems to hide something, but in a good, cheerful way.

"It's gonna be special. It'll be for you, but of course, I'll have to throw in a bit of acting in there." His eyes soften into something sadder, and I know that he wishes it didn't have to be that way. Despite his regret, I still look away because I know exactly what he means by "acting". He has to act as if whatever it is he says or does is for his lovers in the Capitol. I know he's forced to do all those things, but I still can't bear the thought of him with someone else. And I'd make that plural. With some other people.

I sigh and he catches my hand. He gently turns my face so I'm looking at him. I still look down, but he lifts my chin up so we're eye to eye.

His eyes are shiny with tears and they're filled with so much sadness I feel like crying myself.

"Annie, it's hard for me too, you know."

And this hits me hard. I'm ashamed for being so selfish. It must be harder for him than it is for me. He's the one doing all those terrible things, while all I do is sit at home, gazing at the sea. I feel useless and powerless and just-

Tears well up in my eyes and I put my head on his chest.

"I'm sorry, Finnick. I didn't- I'm being selfish. Of course it's harder for you," I say as I look up, "but thank you."

He smiles and hugs me back, hugs me tight, and I don't ever want to let go.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen -but mostly ladies- the man you've been waiting for, from District 4, FINNICK ODAAAAAAAIRRR!"

I hear Caesar roar his name out and snap my head up at the screen backstage. Finnick comes out with his perfect smile, perfect hair, perfect face. But I see more than what they see, which is his perfection. I see a boy trying to save me from drowning. I see a boy chasing me on the beach. I see a man trying to wake me up from my flashbacks. I see a man trying to do all in his power to protect the people he loves.

Even with his confident walk across the stage, his eyes show that he's nervous. I smirk a little. Who knew? Finnick Odair, the man every girl wants, has stage fright.

Finnick and Caesar start off joking around and I love seeing him laugh. I can tell he's really laughing, by the crinkling of his eyes and the way he seems so relaxed. He's on good terms with Caesar, so I'm happy about that.

Then he does something unexpected. He stands up. "I'd like to give a few words to my one true love," he says with a smile, the smile of the Finnick that I know and love. I smile and all the girls in the crowd start screaming and sighing and I even see a few fainting.

Finnick then takes on his alter ego, the obnoxious one who loves himself more than anything. I hate it so I just close my eyes and listen.

"A flower amidst a thorny bush,

Unexpected and wild and free.

A perfect seashell thrown in by a wave,

Fragile, yet beautiful to me.

Though not always with you,

You'll always be in my heart,

And I deeply hope,

That I am in yours too.

For you are my one and only,

My flawless and perfect,

One true love."

The crowd gives him a standing ovation and more girls faint while some are hysterically screaming and trying to reach for him. He gives a bow and Caesar says, "Now wasn't that just beautiful? It really brought tears to my eyes. Now I'd love to ask you who it is, but I'm afraid that we are out of time." The crowd sighs.

"Ladies and gentlemen, FINNICK ODAIR!"

I want to go to him and tell him how much I love the poem and how much I love him, but I can't go onstage. Without realizing it, I have streaks of tears on my face. I wipe them off hastily with my palm. The rest of the interview's a blur, until it comes to Katniss.

She's wearing a beautiful white dress with pearls everywhere. It's one of the most beautiful dresses I've ever seen. But there's just something wrong with it. The crowd gasps and I stand up as it hits me.

It's her wedding dress.

I put my hand to my mouth to hold in my scream and close my eyes. Tears threaten to spill. I open them to see a grim-faced Katniss. How can Cinna do this to her? I can't believe it. I walk towards the screen.

I don't know her that well, but this is not okay at all. I'm so sorry for her even thought I barely know her. She must be miserable.

Especially with their fake relationship and everything, this is too much for everyone. I mean, at least everyone that thinks they're faking. I think they're faking. So does Finnick.

As I think about all this, I see Katniss stand up and start spinning. She did this last year, I think.

Fire.

I cry out in surprise, and I see the shock on her face. This is outrageous. Cinna didn't even tell her this was going to happen. He's crossed so many lines. _Too_ many lines. Then I see that the white dress falls off in small burning pieces.

Black feathers.

She looks down at herself and lifts her arms up.

A bird.

She faces the audience and her face lights up in recognition. I don't understand what Cinna's trying to do.

A mockingjay.


	9. Protected

**So as I promised, Chapter 9. Enjoy!**

* * *

My eyes widen. A mockingjay? Why?

"It's the token from my district," she tells Caesar.

Oh.

Next comes Peeta, and I watch, but I'm not listening. He jokes around with Caesar, and he really is charming. You just can't help liking him.

But then I see that his face hardens into a mask of angst, despair, and frustration. I start listening closer and catch a few words.

Married. Secret. Backyard.

That's... I have no idea what to think of all this. They got married in secret? What? I thought they were fake? Or is this fake?

My head is spinning and this is all too much, just too much to take in.

And then I hear it.

"If it weren't for the baby."

My head snaps up as the crowd stands on their feet and start yelling and raging. Caesar has difficulty calming the crowd. Peeta just looks away and goes back to his seat. And me... I just stare out at the screen as they sing the anthem. I see their holding hands, but my mind is racing. My head ends up hurting too much so I sit on the floor, head to my knees, hands to my ears, eyes closed tight. I don't know how long I stay that way.

I hear Finnick whispering in my ear.

"Annie. Are you okay?"

I look up and see him in front of me. I hug him tightly and he hugs back.

"Finnick, I-"

"Why did you get a flashback?"

"I didn't, I-"

He cuts me off again. "Then what happe-"

"Stop cutting me off!"

Finnick stares at me with huge innocent eyes.

"I'm sorry, I was just-"

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have cut you while you were talking."

I want to point out to him that he just cut me off again, but I just smile and say what I was on my mind.

"My mind was just spinning because... well... you know."

He looks at me in confusion. "Because of what? The poem?"

"No, the poem was beautiful. I cried afterwards. It was amazing. I love it and I love you."

He beams at me and he really does give off this kind of glow that makes me smile as well. But I have to ask him about what happened.

"But... I was just so confused about Peeta and Katniss." The words blurt out off my mouth before I can stop myself. "I mean, I thought it was all fake? But a secret marriage? A baby? And Cinna! He made her wear her wedding dress and set her on fire without her knowledge and why a mockingjay? I know it's her token and all but-"

"Whoa whoa whoa... Slow down there Annie. I know it's confusing and everything, but there's an explanation... I think. Okay, go slowly this time."

I take a deep breath.

"Cinna. Why was he so cruel? To make her wear her wedding dress?

A. Their relationship is fake. Why rub it in?

B. If it isn't, that's even worse! They can't get married and he wants her to wear the dress? That's also rubbing it in!"

Finnick's face becomes serious and sad. His voice is quiet.

"Annie, President Snow made them wear their wedding outfits."

I step back in shock. My mouth falls open. "But... Why?"

"Because of the exact things you just mentioned. If they were fake, it would humiliate them and make them remember how they have to get married. If they were real, it reminds them how they can't get married."

That's just cruel. But knowing President Snow, it doesn't surprise me that much.

"Okay then. Next question. What did Peeta mean by a secret marriage? And the baby?! I mean, WHAT?"

"I think they might be lying. To make it convincing and to make the crowd and Capitol people rebel."

"But why?" I ask.

"Because... Well, I don't know actually."

I think about this for a while. I see no reason either. I'll have to figure this out later.

"Next question. Why did Cinna set Katniss on fire without her knowing?"

"That... I don't know. I have no idea why."

"Fine. But why a mockingjay?"

Finnick looks around. He hesitates before answering. I know this because he shifts his weights and his fingers fumble around. He avoids my eyes and takes too long to answer.

"Because... It's her token. It... Uh... Reminds her of home, I guess."

He rubs the back of his neck and he's still avoiding my eyes. I don't know how he acts and lies to all those people in the Capitol. It's pretty obvious to me. Maybe those people are just too distracted to even notice him lying.

I sigh and say, "Finnick, I know you're lying. Can you just please tell me the truth?"

He looks at me sadly. "I'm sorry, I can't. You know why I c-"

"No, I don't, Finnick! I don't know why you always try to lie to me and trick me! Why are you always hiding something? I thought you said 'no more secrets'?"

"Annie, the only reason I'm not telling you is because I want to- no, I _need_ to protect you."

I snort. "Protect me? And how exac-"

"Some things are just too dangerous for you to know!" he yells, his hands shaking. I step back. "Look, I can tell you everything, _everything_ I know. But if I do, what happens then? They'll take you away! They'll torture you until you tell them what they need to know! Do you understand?"

I slowly nod. This isn't the first time I've seen him angry, but it's rare. I can count the number of times he's been angry in front of me.

His face softens and he takes my hands. I didn't realize they were shaking as well. Then he steps closer and buries his face in my hair, the way he always does. It feels familiar and his warm breath on the top of my head makes me feel at home. I close my eyes and try to forget about everything.

Someone taps me and I look back to see Harold. I straighten up and so does Finnick.

"We should get back to the fourth floor," he says, and then to Finnick specifically, "especially you. Big day tomorrow."

"Wait, I'll get Mags," Finnick says as he scans the room.

"No worries, I've brought her back upstairs. Yes, you two were here for that long."

We ride the elevator in silence, but the ride up is so short and I'm quite disappointed. Finnick waves a small goodbye as he goes down one corridor to his room. Harold and I go down the other one. I hear Finnick's door slam shut.

A hand to my mouth.

An arm slams me.

I hit the wall hard.

My screams are muffled.

My tears are all over his hand.

"Say a word of this to Finnick and he dies. Tomorrow, after escorting him, you come with me. Understand?"

I nod.

I'm pulled back from the wall.

I'm slammed against the wall.

My head hits the wall hard.

Everything turns fuzzy.

I see blackness.


	10. Separated

**Here's chapter 10. I hope I'll post the next chapter by next week. Hope you like this chapter :)**

* * *

I wake up in my bed. I don't know how I got here, since I blacked out in the corridor. Or was that a dream? I hope it was. But I can't tell Finnick, in case I wasn't dreaming. I sigh. I hate my memory. I decide to go back to sleep, but then I remember what's happening today.

The Hunger Games begins.

I try to get up, but my head is throbbing and my whole body aches. I just end up sprawled on my bed. Yup, I'm sure last night was real.

It's still dark outside, but I know I have to escort Finnick. I hear a knock on my door.

"Rise and shine!" It's Lyka. I wonder where she's been all this time. I don't really blame her. Being around a lunatic isn't really good for you. But then again, I have been quite absent in everything, and she might've been busy. I haven't seen her since... I don't even remember. The past few days might as well have been months or years. So much has happened. _Too_ much. But hey, it's The Hunger Games. What do you expect?

I groan and wince as I straighten up into a sitting position. I start crawling to the edge of the bed. I walk to the bathroom and take a nice warm shower. Fortunately, everything's so hi-tech I barely have to move.

After drying myself, I walk to the drawer and grab the first thing I get my hands on. I pull it out to see a deep blue long-sleeved t-shirt. I put it on and rummage around for pants. I get a pair of long black pants with soft material. I pull them on and Lyka's head peeps in through the door crack.

"All dressed and ready, I see. Let's go and grab Finnick then. It's going to be a heee-uge day!"

Her excitement makes me sick. I walk to her, flinching a bit when she enthusiastically pats my back. She doesn't seem to notice my pain. I plaster on a fake smile and we walk down the corridor.

We reach his door. Lyka immediately knocks.

"Are you ready? It's a _heee-uge_ day!"

She always says "hee-uge". Always. Finnick opens the door and without a word, we embrace each other. It hurts quite a lot, but how can I complain? He's about to go into the arena. I wince a bit and he notices. He pulls back with a questioning look. He strokes my hair but stops when he rubs the huge bump on my head. Uh oh.

"Annie? Are you okay? What happened?"

I smile. "No, it's nothing."

I've never been good at acting.

He spins me around and his hand is on my neck. He gasps. He lifts up the back part of my shirt and immediately yanks it back down.

"Annie, what happened?"

He spins me again so that I'm facing him. His eyebrows creased with worry and his expression is angry and sad.

"Nothing, Finnick. Let's just get on going. We'll be late, right Lyka?"

I turn to see her horrified face. I raise my eyebrows. She straightens up and says, "Yes, of course. Let's get going."

We walk side by side, not daring to touch, in case someone passes by and sees us. But we're trying to make use of the time we have left together. He goes into a death match and I go to face whatever Harold has prepared for me. I look at him. He looks back at me and gives a tiny sad smile.

Lyka stops us abruptly. "Okay Annie, just until here. I'll escort him the rest of the way."

Finnick and I turn to face each other. It's time to say goodbye. We both look around and there's no one else -well, except for Lyka- so we hug each other tightly. It hurts a lot but I don't care. Without knowing, tears are falling and I try not to sob. He grabs my face and kisses me and we stay like that until Lyka clears her throat.

"Well, it's time to go."

Finnick and I separate and he looks at me. I look deep into his green eyes and imagine myself back home, when it was just the two of us on the beach. Everyone back home knew about us, I think. But no one ever said a word.

"Don't cry, Annie. We've been through a lot, we'll get through this." He tries to smile.

I let out a sob. "Just come back, Finnick. Win this and come home to me."

"Bye Annie. Take care."

"Bye Finnick. Stay safe. I love you."

"I love you too."

Lyka then escorts him the rest of the way. I partly think it's because she doesn't want me to break down in front of everyone.

I start walking back to my room but I'm too dizzy and confused and suddenly I can't breathe. I fall to the ground, clutching my chest. I shut my eyes tightly and suddenly I'm back at home, watching the Games. Finnick's running and running and suddenly a spear goes through him.

"NOOOOO!" I scream at the top of my lungs. He falls onto his knees and there's blood on his shirt, on the ground, everywhere. I scream and scream until no sound comes out.

Someone taps me. I open my eyes to see Harold. He holds out his hand and I take it.

"Okay, Annie. Time to go. If you make a sound, or if you try to escape, I will make sure Finnick is the first tribute to die." His tone is actually quite caring, which really doesn't fit to what he's saying.

I nod and tears involuntarily spill out. I try to be strong, I really do, but I just can't. I wipe the tears away and try to give a straight face. Looking weak will just give him pleasure.

I nearly gasp when he lifts me up. He carries me in his arms and whispers, "Close your eyes. Don't open them until I tell you to."

I do what he tells me and he immediately starts walking. He's not gentle at all and I even bump my head against the wall a few times.

We walk and walk and walk. I think we reach a staircase at one point but I'm not sure about that either. We keep walking for what seems to be like forever, and I'm wondering how Harold has the strength to carry me this far when he abruptly stops.

"Okay. I'm going to put you down now."

I straighten up, but I still keep my eyes closed.

"Open your eyes."

The way he says it makes it sound like a command. Suddenly I don't want to open them. I'm scared of what I might see. Why would Harold want me to open my eyes? It's supposed to be a relief for me, but if he says it like it's a command, it can't be good. But I have to be strong.

I slowly open my eyes.

And that's when I start screaming.

The room is full of pictures and videos of past arenas. Of mutts and traps. Of dead tributes.

I shut my eyes tightly. What place is this? I see flashes of when I was in the arena. When I watched Finnick in the arena. When I got reaped. When Finnick got reaped. When Ren died.

Tears fall as images pop up in my head rapidly. I scream and scream and scream because it's all too much. This has never happened. It's always just been one memory. But this time, as one flashback plays out, another one forces it's way in.

I close my ears with my hands and scream again. My throat feels dry. My legs turn to jelly and start wobbling. I sink to the ground.

I'm too tired to scream now. So I just sob. I'm running. I'm running from the tributes and suddenly I'm drowning in a sea of tears. I can't stand this. I just want someone to knock me out.

I hear footsteps and look up through blurry tears. I see a glimpse of the pictures again, but that's not what I'm looking at.

People come in. People in white lab coats. One of them walks toward me and I feel my right arm being extended. I feel a sharp pain and for once, I'm thankful that they're drugging me, offering some relief.

The world goes black.


	11. An Experiment

**Here's Chapter 11. Its a bit shorter than the rest, but I hope you like it :) Don't forget to review!**

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I groan. My head hurts. Where am I?

White walls surround me and the whiteness of it all overwhelms me. For a moment I even feel like there are no walls, like it all just stretches out forever. I snap out of it and whip off the blanket to look at what I'm wearing. A white top and white pants. What? Where am I? Some kind of sterilization room?

"Annie Cresta of District 4. Tribute and winner of the 70th Annual Hunger Games."

I look around for the source of the voice. It's the high, clear voice of a woman.

"Please confirm your identity."

How do I do that?

"Hello?"

"Confirmed as Annie Cresta."

A door to my left slides open. I didn't even see it. To be fair, it's also white.

I walk out the door and find myself in another room. It's pitch black, except for the circle of yellow light in the middle of the floor.

"Please step into the light."

I take a step. I look up, but I can't see anything besides the painfully bright light.

I hear people walking around me, but I can't see anything in the dark. I just end up looking into empty space.

The lights turn on, and apparently, I'm in the middle of a small room with people seated all around me. They all wear white as well, and they have clipboards in the hands.

A woman sits directly in front of me.

"Please state your name, Annie." Her voice is quite stiff and there's a trace of her Capitol accent, but oddly enough, only a small bit.

I forget the question and ask, "Sorry, what?"

"Please state your name, Annie."

This puzzles me. "State my name? But you just said it!"

"Yes, but please state your name."

"Fine. Annie Cresta."

"Thank you. Now please state your district."

I take a deep breath. "District 4."

"Okay. Now Annie, do you know why you're here?"

What? How would I know? So I volunteered to be kidnapped by Harold to be taken to a place that triggered a million memories all at once and made my head feel like exploding. Yes. Definitely volunteered for that.

"No, I don't," I say, trying to hide my anger and frustration, "Would you care to inform me?"

"Why of course. We are here to investigate the reasons for your... umm... how do I put this?"

"Insanity? Oddity? Madness?"

"Flashbacks."

For a moment I am quite happy, since I might find out the reason. But there's something fishy about this. They wouldn't just suddenly want to help me. And why did they have to kidnap me here?

"But why?"

"Why? Because we want you to live a happy life, Annie!" Her Capitol accent is quite strong here. I start to step back.

"Please don't move, Annie. If you put your foot outside that circle of light... I don't think you'd want to know." Nope.

"Okay. So now, we will go through a series of tests to see what triggers your flashbacks."

I'm okay with this. Until I realize what she means.

I think she sees my mask of horror because the corners of her mouth twitch up just the slightest bit. But that only makes me more determined. I don't want to cry, or to beg for mercy, or to start screaming because that's just going to give her pleasure.

I lift my chin up and say, "Alright then. Let's start."

Her face is shocked for just the slightest bit before she composes herself. I hear people scribbling all around me. Bet they didn't expect that.

The room darkens and I hear the slightest shuffling of feet. How they stay so silent, I have no idea.

Silence.

After a while, the darkness and the silence combined seem to form a tangible thing that just stretches and stretches and then wraps all around you. It's cocoons you until you feel suffocated and you try to break free. But that fabric, that cocoon is so soft and peaceful that you don't want to let go.

This was how long that silence was. I felt all those things.

BOOM.

I scream.

BOOM.

It's so familiar.

BOOM.

It actually sounds like...

BOOM.

The cannon in the arena.

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to block out the noise.

No.

I force out all the images that are struggling to flood my mind.

"NO!"

My high-pitched scream fills the darkness. Echoing in what seems like an infinitely big cave.

"Please... Just stop..."

I take my hands out of my ears for a while.

BOOM.

That's all it takes to unhinge me.

I scream again and when I open my eyes, I see trees.

I struggle to get on my feet. "No," I whimper, "Please don't do this to me."

There's a rustling to my left. I close my eyes and try to go back. But it's too late now. I can't do anything but try to go through this.

I look around. I see something in the shrub near me. I walk closer.

A small, cute, furry animal jumps out, sniffing the air. It looks around and catches sight of me. I smile a little.

But then the squirrel scurries towards me and starts climbing. It goes on top of my head and starts pulling my hair out.

I shriek at the top of my lungs and try to get it off me. I suddenly feel little feet climbing all over me. Some start scratching my skin and others proceed to biting me.

I run around trying to get them off me, until the pain swallows me whole and I'm unable to do anything but wait for death. I fall to the ground on my back and I hope it squishes some of those darn animals.

I close my eyes and try to forget about the pain.

The pain from the animals.

The pain of betrayal.

The pain of loss.

The pain of living.


	12. The Screams

**Hello! Please don't kill me :/ I know it's been more or less a month since the last chapter, but a lot has been going on in my life. But in that time, I've decided that this will be the last chapter. I actually wrote a few versions of this chapter, and I think I like this one best. It's not perfect, I know. But I tried my best. SO thank you all, for reading this fanfic of mine. Thank you for even taking interest in the first place. Thank you for everything. My first fanfic and it already has 1,785 views, last time I checked. So THANK YOU AGAIN.**

**okay I know you want to read now. So I hope you enjoy this last chapter, and don't forget to leave a review! :)**

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I don't know how long I've been here. It feels like years. They never let me out so I never know if it's day or night. But I'm getting used to the torture.

Sometimes they even let me watch the Games.

Mags is dead. Finnick's allies are Katniss, Peeta, Johanna, and Beetee. Wiress was there. She's dead too. There are still two Careers left. Brutus and Enobaria, I think.

I'm not sure what's real, what's a simulation, and what's a dream. They're all a jumble of events.

I'm currently sitting on my bed, staring at the window. You can't actually see anything, but I like to imagine that there's something just behind the glass. Home. Finnick. The blue sea that crashes down on the soft white sand.

And I miss it all dearly.

A panel to the right of my bed flaps open and a tray comes out. I take it in my hands and examine my food for today. It looks like lunch. Grilled fish with some creamy white sauce and baked potatoes shaped like seashells. I get water, too. I laugh a bit. It's actually prison food, but it's still brilliant. You just have to love Capitol food.  
As I bite into the soft fish meat, I think about what usually happens after lunch. Or at least what I think is lunch.

A smile carves itself on my face as I realize that I might get to watch Finnick in the Games. I quickly finish up my lunch and put it on a table. I press a button and the top part of the table and it descends. It comes back up a few seconds later, without the tray. I really admire the technology here.  
I look at the blacked-out window and say loudly, "Can I please watch the Games now?"

The door opens and I walk through it. I go into the yellow circle and sit down. A moment later, a holographic screen appears in front of my eyes, and Beetee's there.  
A flashback fights it way from the back of my head. I dig my fingernails into the palms of my hands and grit my teeth. It takes every ounce of my strength to force the flashback deep into my head.

I sigh in relief and slump a bit, exhausted from the effort. All the time I've been here, I've learned to control my flashbacks if they aren't too strong. It takes a lot of effort, but all that's on my mind is Finnick. I have to make sure he survives this.  
I take a deep breath and look up. I see Katniss and Johanna running through the forest, unraveling a tiny coil of wire. Then there's Beetee on a branch of a tree. Finnick and Peeta are guarding the bottom of the tree.

Then all of a sudden, Brutus and Enobaria lunge out of nowhere. I shriek and stand up. Finnick and Peeta fight them, but Enobaria swiftly cuts the wire. Another shot shows the wire slinking it's way through the forest, and Katniss and Johanna jumping away. Johanna knocks Katniss out. I blink in disbelief. What? But why? She then proceeds to take a knife out. I step back in horror. No. She can't. I know Johanna's feisty, but she's not that evil. She pushes the point of the blade into her arm. Blood spews out but she just keeps twisting the knife. What is she trying to do now? Make her bleed to death? She leans down and whispers something. Another shot of Enobaria running down in their direction.  
And then a shot of an unconscious Beetee. Another one of Finnick and Peeta fighting a completely savage Brutus.  
Another shot of Enobaria checking Katniss, before deciding she's dead. She runs down to catch up with Johanna. A blur of greens and browns, then it's Johanna running towards the beach.

Katniss gets up slowly with wobbly feet. She half-runs, half-falls back to the tree. There, she screams for Peeta. Another shot of Peeta, screaming back to her while fighting Brutus. FInnick's always been good, and Peeta's not bad either. But Brutus is just too strong for them.

I unconsciously out my nails in my mouth and start chewing on them. I'm thinking of the worst.

Katniss looks back and forth from Beetee, to the empty air behind the tree, to the spear in his hand that's attached to the wire, which is attached to the tree. A look of understanding takes over her face and her whole attitude changes. The loss of blood isn't doing her any good. She looks like she might faint at any moment. Her face is as white as a sheet her eyelids are drooping. But she keeps going on.

Katniss takes the spear and uses it as an arrow. She takes aim. She lets go. It seems like the arrow travels in slow motion, so slow it might keep going forever.

The arrow hits something invisible in the empty air. The forcefield.

There's an explosion. Katniss falls to the ground.

There are cracks in the shape of a dome around the arena. The forcefield is breaking.

A hovercraft appears from the smoke of the exploding forcefield.

The screen goes black.

The lights turn on.

A door slides open and Aryma -that woman from my first day here- walks in with quick steps.  
"Annie, come with me. Now."

"But-"

"No. Come with me now."

She grabs my arm and yanks me behind her. We walk through the doors down a long corridor with white walls, a white ceiling, white floor tiles, and white fluorescent lights.

Everything's glistening white. It's almost blinding my eyes. We walk on for a few more minutes, It's amazing how I still don't see the tiniest spot of dirt. We walk on and on. The corridor doesn't branch off. It doesn't even have doors. We keep walking until she stops abruptly.

She puts her hand on the wall and a light shines through. The wall slides open. Well, I should've known.

It's a tiny room. There's a metal platform in the middle and a blacked-out window on the right side of the room. The walls are blue and the tiles are black. There's a tiny light bulb glowing, casting weird, ghostly, yellow shadows all across the room.

"Annie, please lie down."

"No."

"Annie, please don't make me use physical force."

"Why? What are you gonna do?"

"Nothing. It's just the next step of curing you. You've managed to fight off a bit of the flashbacks. We want to help you further."

I think about this. They could be lying. In fact, they're most probably lying. But I don't really have a choice, so I walk to the metal platform and lie down.

She walks out and the wall slides back into place.

I look up and take deep breaths. The metal is cold and it sends chills down my spines.

There's a loud clank. I try to sit up to see what it is, but my wrists and ankles slam against something hard and cold. I look at them. They've put restraints on me. Oh no. I try to break free but the hard metal doesn't budge. I try to slide my hands out, but the cuffs are too small. I lie back down.

Oh no. It's a trap.

"LET. ME. GO!"

Suddenly I hear a screeching. A shriek of someone in so much pain. But the thing is, the voice is much too familiar.

"FINNICK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM?!"

I struggle against the restraints with all my strength.

"Please, torture me all you want, just don't hurt Finnick... Please..."

The screaming stops. I slump down and sigh in relief.

I close my eyes and imagine that he's with me. What happened in the arena? Did the forcefield actually explode?

"What happened? In the arena, I mean."

"It is none of your business," says a voice.

"It is DEFINITELY my business. Finnick was in there and I'd like to know what happened to him!" I cry.

"It is none of your business."

"The forcefield exploded, didn't it? DIDN'T IT?"

There's no answer. I smirk because I've managed to shut them up.

The silence wears on. It seems like it might a tangible thing that you can just grasp, and if you pull on it hard enough, it lets go of everything and the hole world erupts in noise.

But then Finnick's screams come back.

"NOOO STOP IT JUST STOP IT NOW!"

His screams run through my veins, through everything I am and I'm shivering because I feel his pain too. The walls are vibrating with his screams and it seems like the whole world is just drowned in those cries of pain.

I fight against the cuffs for hours and hours. I start to feel something warm and thick oozing out of my wrists and ankles, but I don't care. I just need to get to Finnick. I look down at my wrists occasionally, and see a mess of raw meat and bits of bruised skin sticking on. My voice is completely drained and all that comes out now are inhuman noises. Raspy, old, and animal-like

Still, Finnick's helpless cries fill the room.

I fall asleep listening to Finnick's endless screams.


End file.
